Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
