I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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