return my video game
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
