I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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