someone threw a dead crab at me
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
no, he came in my armpit
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
