no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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