The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
