It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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