Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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