She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
