I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
