You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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