Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
