After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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