a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
