I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
