Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
