you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The beer is more important than you right now.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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