FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
