I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
