bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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