I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize