Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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