I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
