ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
