I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
