some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
