one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize