You're so nebulous sometimes
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
