I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i believe in u and ur pee
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
