i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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