i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
