this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
