The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
