If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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