Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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