we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
