Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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