erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
