brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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