i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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