We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize