I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
