Soap is not a condiment
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
