i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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