I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
