Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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