Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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