Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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