i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
