Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
