I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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