I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
