I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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