____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
