she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
