and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my nose is crying tears of wow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
