You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
