I think my vagina is haunted
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
