The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
