She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
