New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
