and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
