So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
