I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
