Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
