if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
