It's Friday. Sex?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
