how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
